the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
