Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you didnt know i had herpes?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
