I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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