can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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