I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
