using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
