What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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