dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
