No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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