on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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