the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
