Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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