he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
