I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
