I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
