i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
