Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
