so let's talk penis.
my being single is dangerous.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
