just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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