I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
