I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
