had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
