Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
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How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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