just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
