well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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