I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
