I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize