this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
