How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Will exercising make me less horny?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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