dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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