Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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