he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
