When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
