I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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