I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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