Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
