i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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