They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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