we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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