At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
