he told me I talked like a deaf person
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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