When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
