Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
