i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
