I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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