Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
