I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
