im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
