I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
