He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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