genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
