My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
