Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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