Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
