see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
