guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
