I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
