69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
