I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
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we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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