i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
