if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
