Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
